Like a rogue wave, nobody saw this coming. President Obama has resigned the office of the President of the United States. At a brief press conference former President Obama announced his recent trip to Hawaii during the holidays made him miss his roots in Hawaii and allowed him to rediscover his passion for surfing.
“I, uh, just don’t want to be President anymore. Let me be clear, I think I did a very good job as President but I, uh, got sick and tired of the daily grind. While on vacation with my family I, uh, rediscovered my love and passion for, uh, the sport of surfing. I would rather battle the waves than Republicans, anyway,” the President said.
“Actually, I’m not a politician anymore so I can, uh, tell the truth finally. This job, uh, for lack of a better word, sucked. No matter what you do someone is yelling at you, uh, disagreeing with you. Even the, uh, people who voted for me didn’t like me. I, uh, tried to, uh, do my best but, uh. Look, I, uh, hired some real, uh, stupid people. These people in my, uh, administration, uh, screwed up my signature law, the Affordable Care Act and, uh, couldn’t even build a website.”
“I, uh, just got sick of being surrounded by, uh, people who didn’t listen. I wanted to, uh, change the way Washington did business but I got, uh, snookered and fell in line. I couldn’t get anything done. Every time I would, uh, start to make progress some idiot in my administration would do something stupid. I just got sick of it all and stopped caring.”
When the former President was asked if he could elaborate on what kind of stupid things people would do former President Obama didn’t hesitate. “First of all, they, uh, the Democratic Party saddled me with this, uh, moron Joe Biden as my Vice President. Seriously folks. The guy, uh, made all the silly things Dubya said sound like they were, uh, coming from a member of MENSA. Well, now Biden is your problem America. You elected this, uh, ticket and now you’re going to have to deal with him. I won’t babysit him anymore.”
President Obama didn’t stop there. “Then, I got, uh, Bill Clinton’s husband, I mean wife, who needed a job because she wasn’t doing well as a Senator. I had to hold onto her political career for, uh, all these years just because she couldn’t, uh, beat me in a primary. Uh, I’ll tell you this, America, Benghazi…she, uh, she told me what to say and, uh, she knew all along. Besides, she kept calling my room at, uh, three o’clock in the morning.”
“Furthermore, and let me be clear, I tried to do my best and give people, uh, healthcare. I made the, uh, error in judgment by, uh, letting some members of Congress start, uh, writing other things in it. My, uh, ideas fit on three cocktail napkins.”
“I, uh, wanted to be a cool President. Look, not everything was, uh, Bush’s fault. I, uh…being President isn’t easy. The President gets blamed for, uh, everything. Nobody told me that. So, uh, instead I, uh, will be hanging out on the beach and surfing. I’ll be starting an account on Instagram and I, uh, will post selfies whenever I choose and won’t get criticized for them. Enjoy Joe Biden America. I am going to Hawaii, America’s 56th state!”
With that the President moved through the crowd, slowly removing his suit jacket, tie, dress shirt and pants. The stunned media watched in silence as former President Obama waded through them and ran out into the ocean to catch a wave.
***This is satire. President Obama is still the President of the United States to the joy of some and dismay of Joe Biden and others. No American really wants Joe Biden as President anyway.***